|
|
Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
|
|
|
if only i was charles bronson... i wouldnt mind being a vigilante with a gun tonite.
well tonite im hanging out gettin a few drinks, i must have been gone from my car for like 15 minutes and i come back. my whole head unit had been ripped from my car. yes guys, im super pissed about this. all i want is a backrub and the only thing ive done is alot of drugs and alcohol tonite in spite of it. why these things make me feel better, what else is there. specially when the girlfriend is in new york. well worse things happen to people, but fuck this. its the first time getting really robbed for me. so much for naivety. damnit
oh hi i never update this
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
|
|
|
well things have been fairly eventful lately. in a good, bad and ugly sense. ive found the utmost importance in getting myself out and hanging out with people on the regular. me and angie have grown closer, when shes around shes the big sista, telling me how much of pussy drinker i am. i get drunk fast, but maybe its better for the money situation which still remains tight. not for long since i demanded my shifts back leading on i was on my way out the door. this past week, theres been more conflict with me and coworkers that i eventually patched up like an adult. but its nagging being around alot of people all the time tryin to keep sanity in such an insane enviorment such as fridays.
me and scott went to college park to see our boys hello romeo and pistols and daggers at the radio station, where i did the DOD i the middle of a cramped room. for all you genuises, the DOD ("dance of death") is where you roll along the floor and knocked the people down slamdancing. i hurt myself doing it, fucked my ankle up. but it was worth the try. people were freaking out. plus i saw some distant pals like bennett , tyler and all them. it was fun. went there right after i buzzed the hair off. i wish i didnt. picked up my old mate bobert, who i hadnt seen in like five years. happy i did that. now me and him, plus my man travis... were all getting close again. so that brings a gleam of something to look forward to.
trash camp is choatic. shows are awesome. looking at new live footage, i realized ive set out to do what i want, even if the elitist fucks choose not to get it. new years is around the corner, so that means more drunken talking head action. its always a blast. by the way, if anyone reads this, KICK THAT HIPPIES ASS WHO DESTROYED PIETROS SET, YOULL DIE!
i feel alone more. a little bah humbug but not too much. not only without a companion, but with my family too. my grandmother is set in her ways and objects my nephew being mixed. its pissed off my sister and everyone else to high heaven. i cant really even bare to talk to my moms side of the family too much, only a few of em. like were almost black sheep. my grandmother got a crude email from my sister, only to fire back by stating in an email that my grandfather has cancer in the most arrogant of ways. so thats how we all found out. ignorance is bliss for some. i just cant believe it. so theres more cut off of my life. but i cant just sit on the couch, get baked and dwell. its becoming less and less of an option these days.
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
|
|
|
i havent been a good LJ journal guy. no one knows what im up to if they give a shit. i most likely wont make many, but ill let you in on the past month or so.
9-27
life has been shifting in responsibility and overall feelings. being on my own has made me feel more dependent on myself than ive ever been in my life. and thank god for the first time in forever, ive put myself first. and made good of it with new pals and new ambition.
we just had a rocking ass show at the sidebar, where we played a fuct rendition of mudhoneys "touch me im sick" and i recited some butthole surfers' lyrics with a screaming howl. but it was the best show weve played in months. plus managed to discover new bands. like the twats. last week me and scotty went to college park where i took my first peek at hello romeo and pistols and daggers. bands im beginning to actually like around here. connecting back with guys i havent seen in a few years. thats where i also met kim, whose managed to grab my interest unlike anyone in a while. an older girl too. woot woot. ha, im a pompus ass.
i gots to thank all the fucks that made my birthday party so worth while and giving me the urge to throw some more in the near future. alec and jeanne, thanx for the blue ribbon that i didnt finish before i went comatose. kim, for just getting her ass all the way up here. kool and alex for attempting to get along with my college frat roomates and puking on my steps. chris la and marv and the lil crew of trash camp followers. any coworkers who made an appearence. and andy and brenden for coming down from VA just to party. sorry to my man scott who threw the party but was in jail that weekend :( (well now we need a "scott is free" party huh?)
but i still need your money. your birthday money.
and a hopscotch game.
time to head to the sante fe, if i figure out how to get there.
10-9
i think the best thing i have seen in a long time is the sight of my nephew giving me a first smile. hes getting bigger, but hes still a peanut. i have to say its one of the highlights of the past few months. i need to get a picture of him up on here. youll know what im talking about then.
have a nice saturday nite
:)
10-15
it gets weirder for me these days. ive been meet people out the ass, but it doesnt mean some of em have been sort of flaky douchebags. and it seems like i dont have much time these days for everyone, i try to distinguish whose worth the time to the utmost. i feel like i cant waste time with people who really dont give a shit. i choose to do the same by caring less. but the people that have made an impression on me have filled a void, where much doesnt remain the same in my life these days. i feel sad how often i see my old pals and my family. ive been alot more involved in shit up in catonsville... a little of homesickness i think, but its all for the best in the end.
my brakes went to shit a few days ago, meaning pretty soon im ditching out money i barely have. iim always at fridays just keeping up the best i can with bills now that im on my own. but ive found that being at that place all the time can gets into prick mode like some of my fellow coworkers. ive caught myself in arguments with a particular boss that no one likes and talking shit about people that are knowingly two faced or just idiotic at their job. i never thought id be one of those guys to go along with the gossip/shittalking. thats the one thing i wish that was the one thing thatd change, my source of money, but its the effort that i cant give in, until theres a serious problem.
lord, none of this is relevant. i rave on but now i stop.
10-18
well its been a weird few days. unforunately i ran out of happy pills. luckily i havent had any crazed moments, but enough to be a bit sad about. my cousin is on the verge of death. he got a staff infection (for all you non-genuises, thats infections in the spine) during a surgery. so we dunno if hes gonna make it. plus, my runaround with the lovelife. there is none, its a come and go thing these days. with hope that something would at least come out of it, but it never seems to. i dont rush that kinda shit, but with flaky people, the shit gets boring.
people pop back into my life as well. my high school buddy james came back from olympia a few months ago. i called him gay james who likes my clash t-shirt... hehe. last time i heard he wasnt doin so hot. but luckily hes around. then i saw rachel (an old high school girlfreind) and got updated with her. it felt good, but i think reminders of the past is the last thing i need. i dont predict a future. today is all i can sum up. lets just hope days to come bring better news. .
10-28
i deleted my last blog because it sounded like such a sob story, when over all, life is just changing constantly. the more i open up, i meet more people and it sometimes benefits. but ive also found it easier to point out bullshit and call someone out on it. it definitely has caused me to get on peoples bad sides, but i stand by my beliefs for the most part, tho i dont mean to be mean. i dont think im mr. cool by any means, but i can fathom whats true to heart and whats not. even if others will never get it. i always seemed to give a shit too much about the opinions of others cause i always look to them to tell me what kinda person i am. but the truth, running thru the word of mouth will never give you a chance to be yourself. theres only advice that you might not always take.
ive found it might be important to rid myself of problematic situations where i speak to people that remind me too much of a past i dont wanna think about right now. i only see going retro being a good thing with music, cuase you know my opinion on modern music (yep sucks royal ass). predictions are stupid. going forward is the way to go. and i got plenty to look forward to. the halloween show where my big babiness will defnitely prevail (baby huey is gonna be a jealous bastard, specially of that thing between his legs). the many many halloween parties. which ones to go to is the hard part. what the hells you gonna be?
11-3
i realize now that the tables have turned on me, and i deserve every moment of it. i also appreciate it too. the events of this summer leading to now have been a series of extreme highs and unforgettable lows. most of em are things that i have gotten over, but its made my personality maybe turn for the worse, where i get more bitter towards those fucked up and calling out mishaps with furiousity. having a me against the world mentality. in retrospect, i havent been much better than the people i cant stand. i walked on my band when things went wrong at the utmost shittiest time, but they absolutely have right to have feelings they have now. things have smoothed over based on the realization that i was an asshole that nite, but its still dismal.
i still manage to make new friends. my man geoff from high school comes over a helluva alot more often since both me and scotty are aquainted with him. kelly and her roommate meg have become some new smoking buddies on the regular. new people at work and even some regulars have made their way to my house lately. and then lil kacie which i never see fully sober. ive been trying to spend more time with the fam. instead of taking the option of drink/drugs/debauchery halloween nite, i hung out with my nephew in his tigger costume. thanxgiving calls for another south carolina visit. yeah, i could use a moment out of maryland.
but im still looking for something outside the extremes, where at times things are actually halfway normal.
11-9
sucks sitting here. my foot has fallen asleep and it doesnt wanna give. dont you hate that? well luckily ive had a few joys of my own this week. saw devon for the first time since the festival. ive been turning finger cuffs jen onto alot of jamming on guitar and plenty of music. i mustve burned her 5 fugazi albums and some germs and TSOL. i think she was overwhelmed but i have a fast computer and im always more than happy to turn people onto music theyve never heard.
me and the band have gotten back on the same page. in light of that, i decided to weed out things of frustration. being a single guy crawling out his shell, i sat and relied on past relationships to guide my way, where in turn... its one thing that truly drives me nuts, where conversations with a certain person turn into bitter arguments. even with life being a bit abnormal, this is just one subject that urked me to the utmost, where the irrational goes down. broken up, we still argue like a married redneck couple, its fucking stupid, even on my part. when in truth, i shouldnt expect a damn thing.
i wanna take better care of myself also. ive cut down on the super size me diet, and everytime i go to my parents house, i lift barbells. i dont wanna become a bally total fitness freak or a body builder, but it seems work is my only exercise these days. which im sure is fucked. im tired of being a scrawny prick a bit. who knows if ill accomplish much.
JESUS SHIT. YOU GUYS WONT READ ALL THIS.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Saturday, October 1st, 2005
|
|
|
being on my own has been liberating with meeting tons of people and actually paying my bills on time.
ive had a few memorable get togethers.
i want my man andy to come back from virginia to party one more time, but hell be here for the dillinger show:)
ive been in between things with the whole girl thing. i dont take it seriously, which is good.
keeping options open are probably the best thing i coould do right now.
im in my boxers and big ole tube socks. you know its sexy. shut up.
and my facination with the first butthole surfers album seems to never end
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
|
|
|
You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch: Every three years, someone will break both of your soul mate's collarbones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear - for the rest of your life- sound as if it's being performed by the band Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it's being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, everyone of their tunes will sound like it's being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella ( but it will only sound this way to you).
Would you swallow the pill?
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
wrote it on a wim and a bit down in the dumps, and also a lil indisposed by the meds for my teeth. hehe. if it sucks tell me. but i havent done much deep writing. and even fucked up, this is deep a bit for me.
DRUGGED NOTES
wounds, gaping with linger
they run deep but asks questions
which of us two is inflicted?
and who inflicts it?
when deterioration is a second nature
and freinds tather like hundred year old paper
reaching out feeds a demon's hand
out of this world, you repetively don't understand
just another sly fox pissing in the wind
theres no luck reaping benefits
with a caustic head and a body that follows
all along, an image that was never there
those "what ifs" that tend to buttfuck
and badger solitary thought
life is one john hughes film after another
deceiving of imagination and empty hopes
but hell... you're the frankenstein
your private master of reality
and to tread bare of clue
well, youre a naturally born idiot
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Monday, August 22nd, 2005
|
|
|
the past few days have probably been the best days ive had in a while. despite a few techinical difficulties at the beginning of our set, overall our show with Murphy's Law was awesome. i met a few new unexpected people there. saw some old faces, like lindsey walker (one of my short lived g/f) from high school and sir navaria. i figured ottobar would be more packed, but regardless it was exciting. things escalated from there when i went to an after party. there was a rougheon tryin to start shit with people cause he was strung out and after his attempt to kick a lil petite girls ass, i found myself whipping out darren's switchblade on him to help him think it over. stupid prick. i just dont put up with that shit, along with assholes who use the race card to get out of their bullshit. of course it made it worse, but finally the asshole left and later got locked up. i never thought id do some crazy shit like that.
talking to new people and getting unexpected points of view regarding people and things recently (and those regardlessly tied to the past), i realized how worthless it was to even make things good with bullshit regarding the events of the past few months. either way ive found my ticket out.
im moving away in september to walden circle in catonsville, sharing this huge 2br basement with my friend scott. the mates are really cool. 'nother cool thing is i got my own bathroom and front door to the basement. so i wont be bothered really cept to be laundry bitch. for 200 bucks a month, its anything to get me out this house, which seems to get worse and worse to live in by the day, as i increasingly dont along with my family since my sister decided to shack up at dads with disregard to lookin into her own place to live. its just stupid now. so im leaving for that... amongst other things. im happy to be motivated now.
ive been busting my ass at fridays to make sure things are concrete, working sat. double shifts. sunday, me scott andy and matt went to hunt valley to check out horrorfind which was killer. $150... mad tshirts, autographs and photo ops later... i was a fucking happy man. the moment i get the pics ill put em up on here. i met the phantasm crew as well as some dawn of the dead cast like gaylen ross and ken foree. rad people man, specially don coscarelli and reg bannister. the one guy that bugged me was tom savini, who seemed like a super grump to my surprise. oh well, win some lose some. then we saw my friend carols band, morning of the masses and shot the shit shooting some pool. matt can be the utmost prick to people, but hes always been cool to me, hanging out with those guys lately is something new... thank god.
and everything will only become more different... thank god.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Monday, August 15th, 2005
|
|
|
theres two kinds of people
the passionate, that go for what they want at the moments glance and achieve it thru determination
the cynical, those that sit around waiting for something to happen without making any sort of attempt to get what you want
WHERE THE HELL DO I STAND IN THIS?
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Sunday, August 14th, 2005
|
|
|
at this point, i question whether to give up on rebuilding relationships that have fallen apart. in situations with my ex, i feel like nothing but a puppet and someone she wants around as a last resort. ive allowed myself to be a doormatt while trying to rekindle something, my kindness for weakness... and eventually getting the short end of the stick everytime im considered an inconvience. getting the best of all worlds just isnt in the cards. being a little grown up.... everyones got their breaking point... to wanna walk away. is this mine?
i just notice the disregard for my confusion. i have enough trying my best to locate somewhere else and find a better job. i wont be satisfied until change happens. change is hard to come by when you still get yanked back to the past every now and then. i just wished people lived up to what the say they feel about people... they dunno the world of hurt that can be caused... when you do it over.... and over and over again. but that doenst mean it wasnt my fault for plsying into these things. the time to end it...now?
i suppose hanging out with jay and nordvik and shane has made things fun. amongst other people when im not working. but im still stuck in the same. with the exception of the murphys law show. god i need 21 already.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
|
|
|
its always an issue of me giving a shit too much.
these are usually the things that keep me back from growing and thinking of myself for a change, even tho im told sometimes i act as though life is all about me.
others do that shit too. i just cant continue to feel like this.
waking up randomly filled with worry and the fact that the things i do now are empty compared to life before. but aspects of my life are the same they were t then other then relationships falling apart.
so... really... something needs to happen. to be a grown man, i cant go on like this.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, July 28th, 2005
|
|
|
serving as expressing current feelings and events, i bring you
the rantings of rollins in the most damaged song ever...
... you're here with me now
my life is a song
its a stool and you let it happen
you wont let go
damage, my attack
i dont need the attack on my mind
but you dont mind
'cause its just your routine
you just sit down
grab your ticket and wait your turn
for damage
i cant feel anything
i cant get past you
i cant see nothing, im blind
hold out your hand to me, gimme your hands
and ill bit it off
its damage
i... i dont even care about self destruction anymore
what's the use?
i just sit home alone
cold fingers in a cold sweat
i remember and i remember again
you dont provide for your country
he said "sing it boy... do it again, do it again"
"yes sir... oh yes sir, yes sir"
right now, look at me now
im just shadows
im just shadows of what i was
i just want another day
but will i get nothing from that?
how long will i die for?
its damage
i'm sorry my friends
i guess i must care
i guess everything could be nice
well, its nice and cool here where i am
its nice and dark
its my mind... that's where it all starts
and no one comes in
its damage, nobody comes in
STAY OUT!
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
|
the more i get a talking to, and the more i have time to just sit around and think, i realize that things arent what they seem with me. perhaps i really dont have much direction. i manage money like an idiot. i wanna move out since sarah and the baby brigade are taking over the house... amongst other things. i need a better job, or at a second one. i bullshit but i never live up to my word to better my situation, with the exception of me bettering myself emotionally. but even that still leaves me confused. i like hanging out with people, but when im alone i think entirely too much. i self medicate like a motherfucker with herb. being around kerra has brought some comfort and her company is very rad. sucks shell be gone in a month. but then again, the way i feel... im content with it. i find it hard at all to give my heart to anybody, when really everything i do now doesnt have the heart behind what my last relationship did. and as fucked as meghan can be, i made a shitload of mistakes too... and regardless, meghan will be important. she finds problems with me trying to move on the way i am, but then again i feel like ive barely moved at all. im not mr happy go lucky by all means. i still find aloyt of sadness in the way shit in the end turned out. relationships... friends and maturity has changed in the past month, but getting the ghosts of the past to fade away...its slow but surely. eventually, itll roll of my back. i find writing some creative stuff has become theraputic, since now i have inspiration and my block is gone. i just need to get my ass on track, but i contradict myself everytime. it wouldnt surprise me if nothing happened after this blog. but it will, now it has to. cause everything seems to be closing in and i just want away from my enviorment, badly.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Your Birthdate: September 21 |
Being born on the 21st day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.
The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.
There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude.
You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.
Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.
You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.
You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.
Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about.
You are affectionate and loving, but very sensitive.
You are subject to rapid ups and downs. |
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
once again, meghan splits on me. this time i look at it as an opportunity to grow and set goals. im already talking to eric about going to work with him in a few weeks, but keeping fridays as a secondary thing since the cash benefits sometimes. if we get back together, then we do. if not, well then theres nothing left to do but avoid it and move on. i can be sad but not so vocal. i cant let it shatter me like before. i need to learn to manage my stress anyways. ive already gotten in line to get meds and see someone to talk to. which isnt so bad since the truth is something needs to be done. i accept my problems and how much of a liability they can become. plus, shes got her own problems. things that are beyond my will to handle at the moment. so as far as the future, its hard to predict. i wanna work with the band more. get back into creative mode. the brain needs it.
sitting back and thinking. and from getting professional and friendly opinions, you really begin to learn that its hard and full of anguish trying to go on loving someone and trying to make something work when theyve really made you feel the worse about yourself. its not forgotten at the drop of a hat. its more complicated than that, even after all this time, it can be ugly with resentment. i regret every moment of my actions while trying to make sense of things and trying to defend myself and how i felt, but ill never regret why i felt the way i felt each time shit hit the fan. never... cause its normal. i just never knew how to handle it. things like that are hard to roll off your back, and it can bring the worst out in you. so fuck it.
action: regardless of what i might have fucked up on my part, i know i have heart and meant well and still do. the prize i get is still having a goodhearted side of me.
reaction: you'll never take that away from me
even if its not always to my benefit.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Monday, February 14th, 2005
|
| Time: | 11:43 am. |
| Mood: |  annoyed. | | Music: | need some.... |
|
|
well im about to be an uncle. maybe the only downside to that is the father is someone id probably want no true relation to. but thats not my decision here nor there. work is becoming melrose place as a ring of conflicting lady servers get into it on a regular basis. who knows whos gonna get fired out of that bunch. its just unecessary. it makes me think that the chill aspect of fridays from when i started working there has definitely faded. i think after graduation, my tenure there might end, just cause ill want a clean slate from the typical bullshit by that point. the bands been booking shows, though we missed one with the dead end boys. though the rough and tumbles consisted of the crowd, i could care less. i found it funny how darren booked it and also cancelled it. but what can you do? shit happens. i got a real nasty second degree burn on arm and wrist from trying to snatch food out of the clogged food window. what an idiot i must have looked like. but hell, arent we all idiots in our own sort of way. whether turning work into a soap opera, or making a big deal of the racial intertwining that is now occuring with my sisters arrival (which is strong with my grandparents just cause theyre too damn set in their ways), or just simply forgetting to pick the martini up for the guest, all in all these fucking things are just silly and patheic, but somehow unavoidable. stupid huh?
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Monday, February 7th, 2005
|
| Time: | 11:22 am. |
| Mood: | awake. | | Music: | clash - 1977. |
|
well i have my booboo back :)
i might keep my status on "single" for a sec to be on the safe side, but i have jumped back with meg recently, which feels better than i could imagine. im still careful but i know from whats changed in the both of us since weve broken up, that hell... it might actually work. i see the makeup breakup shit all the time, but never made a real attempt at one. everything being around her had a sincerity and felt like starting over, which im priveleged to say i got a chance to. but i dont wanna sit back and predict the future. i know what this is, is all that matters.
i look like an idiot in some eyes, which might take some time to resolve, but once again... its a risk im willing to take in pursuit of happiness. and regardless of breakup residue, im happy. it gets messy, but it teaches you lessons. thank god i wasnt the only one taught. but as far as any heartache can go, if anymore... id be the one to blame, and really i couldnt bitch at you.
serving at fridays has become more of an aggravation, with lack of money and dealing with some asshole at some point. but i learned just recently that regardless, money making is gonna take some time. thanx for the advice, meggers:) then again, i find my insecurities following me again, as some things about me and her being back together are less comforting than before. now that we tip toe between each others houses (seeing as neither of us are invited to the others), and plus the whole rebuilding trust is hard. but as time goes on, im beginning to find reasons to find this all to be a good thing. i just like yelling and being irrational as a form of indication that everything will be ok in the end. but judging by events, i dont know what other way to handle it. but at least i know my booboo will have the sense to knock me around if i get outta line. but i also know that'll be less frequent, when i look at us overall and say "shit will be alright" (well at least now i do).
her leaving her house makes me wanna leave. me and the stepmom continously dont get along, and my family just manages to find ways to aggravate, when i come home to a bonged out room with stuff that isnt mine laying all over the place. theres really room running out in the house due to my sisters moving-in-and-out bullshit habits. sometimes its just much, specially after a cranky day at work. ahh well, i have shit making me feel alright.
and if ive been a shithead to anyone else, i wanna know about it. maybe itll gimme a chance to make up for it.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Sunday, January 2nd, 2005
|
| Time: | 10:15 am. |
| Mood: |  anxious. | | Music: | the top 25 mix. |
|
if i had a nickel for everytime...
Current mood: productive
i swear dude. sometimes you gotta think to yourself, "how bumbling can you be?" after the past few weeks of getting indulged in music stuff, im taking music in more emotionally, an outlet if you will. i mean hell ive written a song about recent situations for trash camp, who is goin into the studio next week. i find it better than screaming my head off, even tho that still seems unavoidable. i really went john cusack from high fidelity by making a long list of songs like HIS TOP TEN. it turned mine was more like top 25... some shit i wouldnt even think to listen to on a regular basis, but choiced stuff i can withstand cause of its meaning. shit from old blues to crucial metal. im a strange guy these days.
ehh here we go... make no fun.
TOP 25 songs to describe my mood for the past 2 months:
1) megadeth - last rites/loved to deth
2) g.i. - puppet on a string
3) the faith - whats wrong with me?
4) rolling stones - you've got to move
5) black flag - i've heard it before
6) creedance clearwater revival - long as i can see the light
7) scream - who knows, who cares
8) beatles - yer blues
9) the fixx - the sign of fire
10) melvins - going blind (kiss cover)
11) mudhoney - blinding sun
12) minor threat - in my eyes
13) void - controller/revolt
14) megadeth - in my darkest hour
15) dag nasty - one to two
16) slayer - aggressive perfector
17) fear - i dont care about you
18) black flag - swinging man
19) led zeppelin - since ive been loving you
20) fugazi - long distance runner
21) pink floyd - pigs on the wing
22) the clash - red angel dragnet
23) smashing pumpkins -x.y.u.
24) rites of spring - deeper than inside
25) nirvana - endless nameless
like i said, its better than screaming at walls, just like writing has become theraputic as well. plus, hanging out with my bandames, specially pietro more has been kind of something that has made me feel better off. tho ive got the double shift tomorrow, im goin to calvert to chill with matt and scott. ive made friends turn on me tho, which has been another subject lyrically. but it also helped me realize what i didnt need to take.
i dont got a title for this yet. it has alot of weird titles floating around but... this has been the latest written...
time goes back, we know of square one
ticking days away underneath the gun
historys the bitch that tore us down
purpose contradicts the walking ground
you're gonna let the draft in (we know its no more)
with dead end stares (and reflections cold)
let the draft in (a god could never be me)
just tried to care (why do you take that trip?)
illusion is perished, not one on count
your base of operations, fucked and unsound
your mind goes on one too many vacations
im frail and refrain from salutation
go melt down the mold, the memory is sold
warfare of constant repetition
throw the vat into the flames
new suits in for fun and games
needle and damage done, collect your proceeds
made a mark, now your vocal is clear
done with battle scars, so get the fuck outta here
what? ive lost you already... too bad
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Friday, December 24th, 2004
|
|
|
|
i guess i shouldve expected to feel a little bit like this around the holidays. as much as i love xmas, dont gemme wrong, but i cant help but feel lonely, something like a void. i guess compared to last year, i have very little to look forward to. but the reasons to why i feel lonely are things you guys have already heard before. it seems like when some people get the best of both worlds, where friendships are restored and they go on with their lives, i dont know if i have neither, just cause i get resentful. but thats cause i guess they have someone to be happy with on the holidays. damnit stop my bitching. i shouldnt resent shit and feel the need to be NOT alone for xmas. i want my fucking gifts.
|
|
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, December 16th, 2004
|
|
|
well the station hogwagon has finally decided to gimme its last gasp. on the side of 97 it succumbed to an unknown and quite bad oil leak, amongst other things in the struggle for its survival. it was a hand me down, my grandmas car... as much as me and other people made fun of it. as stupid as it sounds... it had value to me. just like my grandma, that little fuck went for a long time. and as happy as now i dont have that old hag to worry about, its sad to see the old girl go. BUT MIKEYS ALREADY GOT A NEW CAR FUCKAS!! DODGE NEON, WOOT!! well not new, but a '96 like my stepmoms... barely any miles neither. i just gotta wait til the person gets a new car in order to get it. big step up i suppose.
ive gotten some pick me ups while shutting out the harsh stuff. going back to work is actually a better experience. the meds have helped me calm down and ive actually been a little more outgoing to customers and employees. i should get use to it since ill be a server soon. doing extra shit around the workplace has kept me feeling better being busy. and ive had a couple of people to talk to sparking my interests (shhhh... fuckface). but ive stuck to my guns this whole time. looking out for the wrong decision. realizing past events have matured me... saying fuck it once and for all.
new car.
new job position.
new cell phone (yeah im up in the world with yall now).
new band cd coming out.
new people.
new is what matters now.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
swingingman's journal
cold.
content.
enthralled.
aggravated.
confused.
complacent.